Those of us who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar.
I have noticed that many who text messages & e-mail, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.
Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
After living in the remote wilderness of Arkansas all his life, Booger decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the stores he picked up a mirror for the very first time and looked into it. Not knowing what the mirror was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Earlene, didn't like his father, so he hung the mirror in the barn.
Every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.
Earlene began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!".
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the mansaid, 'Father ... during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide herfrom the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'
The priest replied, 'That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that.'
'There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me withsexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'
The priest said, 'By doing that, you placed yourselves in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can easily succumbto the weakness of the flesh.. However, if you are truly sorry for youractions, you are indeed forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I dohave one more question.'
'And what is that, my son?' asked the priest.
'Should I tell her the war is over?'
A guy goes into the confessional on Saturday afternoon and says to the priest, Father, he confessed, it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Tootie Green twice last month.
The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys.
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. Father, it has been two months since my last confession. Ive had sex with Tootie Green twice a week for the past two months.
This time, the priest questioned, Who is this Tootie Green?
A new woman in the neighborhood, the sinner replied.
Very well, sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Marys.
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasnt wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, Is that Tootie Green?
The bug-eyed altar boy couldnt believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, No Father, I think its just a reflection from her shoes..
