A Forty -Year -Old hillbilly carries a younger hillbilly into the doctors office, deposited him on the examining table, and said, See if you can patch him up good.
I shot up his rear end like it was a tail on a possum.
Dont hurt him none, cause hes my son-in-law.
The doctor said, Why would you shoot your son-in-law?
The hillbilly said, He warnt my son-in-law when I shot him.
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue ..
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow.
Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea.
I swished and swished,and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
A very distinguished lady on a plane from Switzerland found herself seated next to a nice priest.
She asked, "Excuse me, Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course, my child, what can I do for you?"
"Here's the problem...... I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"
"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie."
"You have such an honest face, Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions."
She gave him the hair remover and the aircraft arrived at its destination.
At customs the priest was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son," he replied.
The customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?"
The priest replied, "Well, I have a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next!"
When a woman wears leather clothing,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
he goes weak in the knees,
and he begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder why?
scroll down...
Because she smells like a new truck.
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...
'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!'
The teacher had to leave the room.
